Do you not think we need a HERSTORY TEAROOM? I do. I think there should be a place for the about to be, or the lonely divorcees to go for a tea and a talk. The friends and family grow weary nor are they neutral. Unload the load so to speak -- not like Jesse James did. And lets hope America's sweetheart, Sandra Bullock is buying a pearl handle pistol right now and is using nectarine size prunes for target practice for her gorilla.
Anyhow we need a lady place, kind of like Cheers without a brainless, sex maniac behind the bar giving out drinks and retarded lets go bachelor manvice. Yep, a tea and a talk. Nothing better because SMOKING KILLS AND SO DOES DIVORCE. Divorce is on the rise and folks are dropping like flies.
To prove my point this week I stopped dead in my tracks to see a $1.00, beaded wool sweater blowing in the breeze on the sale racks of Giant Tiger. (come on ladies you can't even buy a muffin for a dollar) then remarked , " A SWEATER FOR A DOLLAR" and some woman passing by said "really."
Well, as you all know, conversation is like a good game of ping pong. I opened, she returned and I again served with " this would be a great Xmas gift for a daughter -- she would think she was really loved." The return "yes, but I'm already storing enough stuff for mine when she comes to Canada."
My return " yeah but its a sweater for a buck " and the hard drive slam of truth "I still need to cram in two chairs from Kitchener she bought off Kijiji and I just dread calling my ex husband for a favor to get them. " Well, we were off to the tea room for a tea and a talk with a lonely divorcee.
I believe every woman has a HERSTORY. A tragic love story. Why do I say that? Well I believe love is harsh. Hard to find, hard to sustain, hard to get over. Marriage, without work and instruction turns into Frustration and Misery, not Strength and Support as we believe. Its like the labour lie -- "labour that's like a bad period." It is as close to dying as I want to go. No the truth of marriage -- 50% divorce; 40% stay married; only 10% report having a happy life, loving marriage. That's research -- not mine. And many a woman or man believes the other is happy but if that were so, extra marital affairs would not be on the rise.
Anyhow, five hours and three teas later, the Giant Tiger Lady's love STORY had more pain than loosing five fingers in a buzz saw accident. It was a holocaust of three divorces, 2 kids alienated to punish her for leaving, poverty of leaving; a 30 year unrequited love that, if I wrote this down, would bring all of you to your knobby knees including me. It almost made my story look good. It was what should be written down in the books about marriage crazy with a how not to be happily married manual. And in due respect to this lady, she did the best she knew how and she was just another casualty of marriage don't know how.
That was Tuesday. On Wednesday, as I stood on my front lawn talking to a neighbour passing by, I was told my Go To Guy across the street had died in his sleep. Also her sister just found out her husband had a girlfriend and was leaving her. She too was entering Divorce Hell and not doing well.
As for my 77 year old Go To Guy's marriage -- he used to joke about when the wife was alive, he hid out in his back tool shed. He said " when I thought the storm blew over and I would throw my hat in the back door and ask if it was safe to come in." I wondered when he got to the other side was the wife waiting with a list including, why did you wear that tie with those socks at your funeral?
As for my neighbour, she was advising her sister to photo copy the RRSPs, Life Insurance, house documents and do not pass go, do not collect $200 but run to find a really good divorce lawyer stat. Whoa Nelly!
Anyhow, isn't our education system a sad state of affairs, that so much of our learning is wasted on career building (you heard me, wasted) and not on relationship building. We will see if Miss Bullock's personal life will affect her professional life. Again, another Cinderella fan or so she sounded on Oscar night.
Anyhow, as I sat across the table from this wiped out woman, I looked in the eyes of defeat and had nothing hopeful to say to 73, except, my mother found love at 84. I saw a glimmer of hope in the face of a three time marriage loser who admitted to me she came pretty close to suicide before Xmas.
I salute shows popping up like Marriage Ref and hopefully that will be a trend that will wipe out sad, lonely divorced eyes. A wife's stuffed, departed prize poodle glaring at you while you eat dinner is enough to drive man to the divorce lawyer or on the down low to a negotiable woman. I don't think all affairs are with single women. Little things in life don't mean much, but in marriage they do mean everything.
I for one wish all people would stop glorifying the word divorce -- stop putting it as an option on the marital table and let's have more marriage rehab and more reality shows promoting how to negotiate and eradicate the unhappy marriage if not for our sakes, but our kids. Elizabeth Taylor's divorce rate will probably be the norm for our offspring if we don't STOP THE MARITAL INSANITY.
Yes, it has become and been sold as our divine right to divorce, and some abused should, but what does that divorce really smell, taste, and sound like. It smells like Kraft dinner because after you pay the child support, spousal support, and your bills, Kraft dinner is your mainstay. It tastes like acid. Its the acid reflux you taste when you are stressing over having to call the ex and beg for the late spousal support cheque. The acid reflux when you know you have to sit at the hockey game, school play, kid's wedding with his fling of the month, nuzzling all over each other because the kids want you both there. And the sounds -- you cracking the child proof lid on the milk of magnesia bottle, or another bottle of wine to drown out the sadness. Its the bedroom door that slams often --its the yelling so loud the neighbours call 911 over the kids being dropped off at 11:00 on a school night for the 6th time -- its the sound of yelling because he has cancelled your vacation again. Its the sound of your screams in your pillow when you get the ridiculous lawyer's bill for $30,000 and your half of the house was $28,000 after your paid off the credit cards or the sounds of grieving of so many broken dreams.
Yep -- its not really the Marriage Ref show we need, but its a good start to monitor the selfishly married or preventing the selfish getting married. We don't need Dancing with the Stars as much as Trading Divorced Spaces. I know a divorced guy who just happily gave up his casa, than do marital repair for a remodel of a shack the size of my two car garage. He has a dumpster parked out front for his 400 sq. ft. party palace. However, one little glitch. I doubt he has enough moola for drywall and the guy's friends -- what wife lets her guy hang around with the divorced guys?
And so, high ho, high ho, its off to the personals he goes, with so little he knows, about how marriage goes, high ho, high ho!!
