I think in my next life I will have a PHD in social science. Why? One because I love the subject of socializing. We also get mega impressed when we see a gold card with the flying dove hologram and thus respect. If I had that PHD in my wallet, I would flip it out faster than the RCMP at an illegal purse party. People would listen up and listen up pretty quick to Dr. Arlene's words of wisdom.
So here is what I have to say for today. The biggest epidemic we face in the 21st Century, is not the flue H1 whoever, whatever done that one virus -- here it comes --Loneliness. It shortens our lifespan, causes sleep dysfunction, high blood pressure, depression, SUICIDE , and yes the declining immune system, which says hello to the H1 -- and now for sure its the we're done flu.
This subject is mega important? We are social animals, built with an innate need for social contact, in depth connectedness with people, not technology to ensure emotional and physical wellness. (C O N T A C T of the real kind, like talking face to face, hugging,pat on back to be well). Untouched folks are flocking to Drs. for the Zanex and then herded to the councillor for a recipe for the depressive feelings from isolation. And how do we catch loneliness in this ever smart 21st century of sanitary wipes? Mainly we catch the loneliness virus from our self created isolation --faces stuck in screens of every kind even on the toilet and hiding in doors -- (the kiss kiss and hug hug on emails don't qualify for human contact) and the really big two -- Death and Divorce.
We are living longer, hence lonely widows - widowers and, the divorce craze -- single parent home. And where do they go to connect? We are being sold the divorce myth like a good Xmas gift-- live alone in neon lights -- be independent, self sufficient, etc. Forgot to tell you married people live longer. Yeah, and the reality of beautiful singlehood -- playing "I am a rock - I am an island" -- in dirty pyjamas, eating so much comfort food (can't even share half the fat with the spouse) that you need Dr. Phil and a crane to get your 700 pounder fat ass out of the house. Divorce solutions eh?
They call the divorced man today The Big Mac -- because he goes through the golden arches with his blow up doll ordering two adult Happy Meals with double, double everything. Then he sits alone in his beaten up old piece of shit, too depressed to even wash it and feeds the blow up an occasional fry. Even has her named Fanny. Now isn't this is a sad sight and there's many a guy buying a poodle to pamper claiming its for the wife? Don't laugh women --lonely has driven respectable women to sleep clutching the sweaters of boyfriends you dumped, begging on the phone to get back together, wearing rings again once fired out the car window, affairing like Meryl Streep and putting up with the relatives from hell askng "Why did would you want to be single again?" Answer: "I thought I would be happier alone."
Come on don't laugh this is serious business. How do you really feel with the silence after you put the dog down? Yeah, he ate anything that wasn't tied down. Yeah he peed on the floor. Yeah he laid around all day irritating the hell out of you licking and scratching himself -- well what is different between that and the spouse? When the vet says "times up" all those hyjinxs are forgotten and you go home weeping clutching only the leash in hand and the silence without your Fido is heart breaking.
Same feeling when all the yada yada dies down and you see the wedding ring sitting on the dresser which you either yanked off the corpse before they closed the lid so the grave diggers didn't get it, or you forced it off his hand with butter and spit because you still owe on it and he ain't getting it! He's out STAT. Well you voted for the sounds of silence ISOLATIONVILLE --the 6:00 p.m. eating alone silence, the 9:00 p.m. getting ready for bed silence, or the 3:00 a.m. silence -- you reach out and all you feel beside you is air -- cool air. And the dog died so you can't even hug the smelly old dog. LONELY? What a plan -- if I live alone, I can be mega selfish, happy and healthy. Well, even an adult spoiled brat needs company to be well.
I know a selfish woman who is in the throws of divorce and her mantra is Somewhere Over the Rainbow like Judy Garland minus Toto heading for for the Emerald City. When I ask her how she is going to deal with the loneliness, she says in her flippant way, " I'm not worried my mother did great." Her mother calls her 15 times a day to ask what she is cooking for dinner and the neighbours have a restraining order out on her! Also another woman, her lonely friend couldn't wait to convince her to leave the smart ass husband. Well surprise, the husband and the once lonely friend are together and now the kids live with them. Lonely Ex-Wife tricked by the friend has tried Suicide more times than you have fingers because she told me "I can't handle the loneliness. Its worse than I ever imagined.' Its like the kid in Home Alone -- two weeks into it, and it ain't so much fun any more and you wish the demonic family back. You start eyeing the sheets and wonder how much weight the upstairs bannister will hold.
We glamorize living selfishly alone. We actually believe we are solving the relationship problems with divorces and snazzy technology, but we are actually just creating mega unhealthy isolation. I once had a friend phone me up and say, "enough of this email crap Arlene" I want to hear your voice and you laughing. A Ha Ha Ha email is pretty flat compared to some chick sitting beside you laughing so hard, tears are running down her face, she is pounding your arm with her fist and her other hand is between her legs hoping she will make it to the bathroom. (put that in a facebook message). Next couples will be text messaging orgasms -- Ooh baby Ooh baby -- pretty flat next to someone screaming Hello Dolly in your ear. Talk about a disconnected bunch of emotionally and physically ill jerks we are becoming. I think the worse is that you write an email, forgot entirely what you asked and the reply comes two days later. That communication is like sitting talking to an Alzheimers patient. Eventually you think you are missing your nuts and bolts too.
So however you are selling isolation whether it be in caps, bolded, fancy font as self sufficient, independent, b.s. its LONELY and it will get you a full vial of Zanex to try to take the edge off, or a stomach pump when reality really sets in. And what's worse -- people are so ashamed to admit they are lonely because it suggests they are flawed, losers, unable to attract friends and others look down on them, like social lepers. They are whispering this to the councillor like they have a social disease and have done something terribly wrong and shameful. The problem isn't I done something wrong, its where have all the people gone??
Note from the universe says: you can be compassionate to the fat, the poor, the lonely, or you can learn it, and learn it the hard way, but you will learn to be compassionate to the lonely. Get out of your mega important self, hiding in your house, be friendly, make a phone call -- invite a widow, divorced person, a single, someone for dinner. Give them a hug. Show interest in their lives and give them God's caring. Babies die from loneliness, lack of touch, well so do adults.
And what is the point of being selfish asses to drive the best friend spouse away? Its like always starving and then pooping in your food . Science says connectedness is a must. I say its vogue to be face to facers, friendly, neighbourly, visible. With everyone cocooning the world is starting to look like a ghost town western. To prove a point -- I know many people who put in a pool, self included, expecting it to attract friends and were glad to get rid of it because most of the time it is an empty money pit. Look at community pools today -- the kids are in the house with their face glued to a screen. The best thing would be a power shortage to bring people back to sanity and a healthy weight.
Now for some people, they deserve a on screen relationship unless they sharpen those selfish social skills and fast. But for those who know how to treat other people well, play unselfishly in the sand box, I am so sorry if you are lonely. You need to play ball with friends everyday, but can't find a team to play on. No fun bowling alone -- gone are most of the bowling leagues thanks to Wii. IF YOU ARE Wiiing and feel lonely, its an alarm to bring people into our lives. The trick is how to find them and root them out of the swamps like the duck hunter with the duck.
So for all those mothers whose kids are embracing the trend to move away and are selling you a relationship with them on Skype and you are "yelling where the skype are you?" my sympathy I wish you a loving partner, neighbours, friends and at least, a great dog to cuddle up with to kill the lonely. (now isn't that Skype another technological plum of connected communication -- doesn't the heat from the computer on your lap feel lovely and bump up your immunity) and ain't it fun to hug the computer as you unwrap Xmas gifts via skype? Don't those short breads the daughter made taste yummy on screen? There was a guy who googled "I'm lonely, anyone want to talk" and he got mega replies so ISOLATION is here just like Katrina though no one talks about it. In fact what was sad about that disaster was the loneliness. Many of those people didn't even have a friend with a car to get them away from the disaster and sat on the roof waiting for their government friends.
So awaken to what is TO BE VALUED. We need people not more technology to be happy. We need real people to sit around with at night -- not sitting alone watching reality t.v. We need close confidants to share our hopes, woes, fears, and dreams. Someone we feel just so gosh darn relaxed and comfortable to be with despite the lovely bed heads we both share. A warm hand in the movie and in the popcorn bag. We don't even worry about no make up with this person. And while your at it, get a spare, some die.
So unless we wake up and smell the Sanka, yep, so continues the anti-depressant and drug problem courtesy of self imposed social isolation? I'd parallel park that great idea "I'd be so happy living on my own." Well I've seen the biggest arrogant lonely asses -- men pen palling Karla Homolka and many a once arrogant, now lonely women telling me on the couch "he wasn't my type, knew he sold drugs, but I was so dam lonely." REALLY i GET IT -- the pickins are slim.
No I proclaim there is a loneliness epidemic that is silent, contagious, deadly. Couples sit in the same room and couldn't be farther apart. Solution all they have to do is shut the dam idiot box off like in the old days. Put their arm around each other. Hold hands. Hug. Dance cheek to cheek. Go for a walk and maybe call on a widower and share a coffee and their stories, pictures of their grand kids. They're lonely with capital L. Everyone has a great story and better than the jerks on TMZ.
And so the joy and benefit of a spouse, a loving best friend and staying emotionally and physically healthy . And its not all about you getting your fix of I WANTS --its a two way street. Do your bit!!! The spouse needs a friend too - a friend to shop with, fish with, just like you did dating. You would be amazed what a husband will tell you in a boat, and a wife will tell you in a ride to the mall. A good spouse, a best friend a day really does keep the MD and psychiatrist away!!! Ask Oprah -- she's got Gail!!!
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