Any idea how many people (guys and gals) would stand up in an AA meeting if the AA stood for Affair Anonymous? There would be a sea of people, and now we know David Letterman cheated too. Would Oprah also? Did she cheat with Gail and isn't saying it unless she too gets blackmailed? Do we need to forget Weight Watchers and get Affair Watchers started?
Yep, many, many, men and women are having affairs, or are thinking about the joy of having one. Despite how many axes you have to grind, people don't regard the need for a Marital Mechanic as mega important as the need for a good Car Mechanic. Most people are seconds away from an Affair Collision. Its not that we do not at some time feel drawn to another, because relationships are not for the weak, its how strong are you to not act on your desires? People need AA -- AA tries to keep you away from acting on the chemicals, you need the same for not acting on your desires for another.
The affair numbers are staggering today and just like being Gay, no one is coming out of the closet without being blackmailed. Participants are on the down low because who wants to be family and financially gutted. Yep your own family will hang you out (kids included) to dry even your own Mama, if she loves your spouse. The kids will be taken from you. The fallout is enormous. You will not get one ounce of empathy (feel and treated like a Leper in the Bible). But affairs come on us like getting the flu -- who do we punish for contacting the flu?
The affected spouses are flocking into the Counsellors office also in shame whispering "I've been cheated on" embarrassed hoping the neighbours don't know. Big tip off the neighbours do know. There is a car missing in the lane way, you are dropping weight faster than my dog sheds in the summer and you have been partying with Pee Wee Herman. Something is definitely wrong.
Lets face reality. Affairs happen -- who wants one. Monogamy is almost impossible even for the Clergy and they have God. If you could actually know the stats you would not feel so alone, ashamed of yourself for the doing of the Affair Club or having been done unto. Both parties are in shock. Stop looking for the person to blame just (JOIN THE CLUB). Even in societies where they have many wives, the men still see something else appealing. And the Nuns and the Priests despite, men wearing dresses, crucifixes the size of bananas around their neck and women only showing an ankle, with God in their ear that confessional is rockin and rollin like a tornado hit it.
Well seems like lack of biological understanding could play a big part, plus our societal standards have shifted towards our search for happiness. What used to be kept under cover is no longer viewed as a mortal sin - ask Bill Clinton? Let those who have no sinned cast the first stone -- well few were thrown. However shock to the men -- what has been good for the goose is now becoming good for the gander -- so look out she wants to be happy too.
Some say, people need to do more research on mate picking. Well, if 60% of men have affairs and probably just as many women -- because the men need women to affair with) how do you find the perfect monogamous mate? You can read the SECRET and chant "my Perfect Partner is on its way to me," then what when they get there if monogamy is out the window -- hell, you have to go shopping again?
So What's Up!!! First of all bad news, or good news,the subject is complex. This I know -- NO ONE IS IMMUNE FROM HAVING AN AFFAIR. You can feel pulled to one through attraction -- sex, companionship, curiosity, love etc. You can feel Pushed -- relief from pain, punish partner, attention, boredom, or you can feel lured by Society. Society loves selling glamorizing affairs to us with Soaps, movies, movie stars going public (Brad and Angelina) sweating profusely just looking at one another on the red carpet. Not to mention the marketing magic of selling men that the GOOD LIFE is having a bevy of beauties marching through their bedroom nightly. One woman just can't do it!
Its not so much why, but how do we face and handle the reality of Affairs? Some say less affairs would happen if we didn't marry the first dope that came along. Others say do not cower from Honesty. Honesty --not with holding relevant information like attraction to another. Can your partner come home and say "I find myself attracted to ______ and am thinking about running off?" Well let's try that one. Perhaps then all the sneaking around factor would be gone which is half the attraction.
Another thought - IGNORE AFFAIRS!! Men biologically see sex as food and like to eat often. They can elect to drive home to eat if she will make dinner that night, or they will go through the drive through and order what they want. Depending on the appetite, regardless men are designed to eat. Here's a heads up -- just like at Xmas, when they unzip their pants, eat till their eyeballs pop, they go into a horizontal position, roll over and go to sleep. Same in and out of bedroom. Also, men consider anything outside of intercourse -- acts of pure friendship. Women are saying, I want to feel desired and sexy too.
Also, women yearn for emotional connection. If Yo Yo is thoughtful enough to pick up some card, or a flower, on the way home that says "I Love You" he is good for sex for three weeks. Even if he tries to stay awake 3 minutes after sex, and breaths in her direction. she is good. I once knew a woman who secretly sent herself a bouquet of flowers each weekend with her husband's name on it. We all sighed -- she paid the bill of wishful thinking.
Without emotional connection women feel neglected, unappreciated and secretly pine for the gay guys to get a pill to go straight. However, with societal changes, women with women is looking next best to gay guy buying you that Prada purse plus some. Lack of emotional connection affects women's self esteem and they feel lonely and will looooook elsewhere for attention. So seriously guys, xnay on the three way. You could be left alone in the shower wondering if you have enough Canadian Tire money to buy yourself a fur mitt.
So, what is the answer? Even the straight laced Meryl Streep living her mundane dull perfect life went bananas in Brydges Over Madison County. She couldn't resist spicing up her bland everyday by having an Affair with Clint Eastwood when the guy just stopped for directions. Driving around in that pickup truck, hanging off a wooden bridge, having some guy look at her like she was a delicious bucket of Fried Chicken made her feet itch to run away from the husband and kids. That's a more true tale that we know.
Soooooooo, I think the only answer is that science should be working on an Immunization shot for the Law of Attraction that Meryl could have taken when she thought she was slipping into Ecstasy. Why, because the fallout is horrific. I have experienced the Affair spurned that have flung themselves off the Blue Water Bridge, closed the garage door -- turned on the key, have a permanent reservation on 3 East, tried to find a pistol to shot off his kumquats, or like our lovely Meryl -- lived a quiet deadly life after the joy of her Affair to Remember.
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