Cease and Desist!!

I have been in the dating world for many years and if I could give a good piece of advice to the self important and thus you not paying spousal support, it would be show genuine interest and affection to your spouse. In turn you just might get it back. I call it the Art of Divorce Busting.

If only I could have a dollar back for every time some Chick or Slick cried to me that they wanted to go and get a Cease and Desist order to get their mate back STAT, I could get my dream motor home. You know the story -- they stole my wife -- they stole my husband -- home wreckers. Get the Cease and desist order right now and release them back to me. I can't live without them. Then the classic -- I Looooooove Them.

Often times it's two married people heading down the road with two mates chasing the car like dogs chasing tail lights yelling Cease and Desist. Basically, let go of my what's mine. Well contrary to belief we don't own anyone, not even the kids. You snooze -- You loose! I mean that sincerely.

As Mr/Mrs. Left Behind is now slouching on my couch going through three boxes of Kleenex of my best Puffs while trying to convince me, their mate or the janitor if they happen to be walking by that they are and have been nothing but the loving, devoted spouse. Well plead as you may, but you are absent with interest in me too.

They claim they gave the spouse everything they ever wanted, were loyal, and they have no clue why they ran off. And what makes it worse they ran off with an overweight, undereducated, unattractive human being, so below their apparent standards who they just met -- Oy Vey?

The I'm Out of Here Spouse normally cites "rejection" with eyes like Goldie Hawn on Laugh In as the reason they affaired out when he cries "tell me why?" What I know is that I don't seem to be able to convey to the self appointed victim that interest and affection is everything in life just like Its All About Accessories. Despite what affairing has gone on, their spouse would have traded their right arm if the interest and affection had come from the one they tied the knot with 20 years ago and not from some stranger. THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. How to convey it to people is an ABSOLUTE PROBLEM. Why, familiarity breeds contempt, nah, just familiarity breeds lack of interest and affection. Seen that show?

As anticipated, there is the usual rebuttal "what the hell -- what rejection!!!! I came home each night, dog tired, cut the grass, went to work, go to the family functions, blah, blah, blah." Right? Like you didn't hear the many -- "please don't fall asleep, or give me a hug" or "could you put down the chip bag, or shut the t.v. off -- I want to share my day with you." Recall those cries for interest Mr. or Mrs. Archie Bunker? Those silent dinners with your face in plate (and why because you were not interested in their world) and pleading the tired thing. Well too late, too little.

Well for all of you who didn't take Affair 101 at college it goes like this. Each one of us is born -- yep, you, me, my mother, the mailman -- with a sign, invisible though -- which reads SHOW GENUINE INTEREST AND AFFECTION IN ME -- I'LL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE? Surprised? Yep -- all born interest and affection deficient and need to be topped up by another. Unfortunately that's what pedophiles know only too well and disgustingly cash in on.

Well what does that really mean in layman's terms is this -- the husband daily has life changes. Today he just saw the car of his dreams -- a candy apple red convertible -- and he wants someone interested to share it with. He also has an infected toe nail, a fear of going bald, an invitation to a school reunion, a bad meeting with his Simon Cowell boss and a call from his brother that he needs money again to get out of jail. My daily dose of interest and a big hug p l l e e a a s s e e -- not the resentful interest that says "alright -- I've got two minutes, speak!" Do you remember your resentful, begrudging interest stance or that blow you a kiss thing?? Well, that went against you too because now he is getting plenty of badly needed minutes and plenty of kisses from someone else and without attitude.

In her corner, her life changed considerably too today. She heard of a vacation spot in Florida that sounded great and dreams of going there. She also worries that her extra weight might make her unattractive. She might get transferred because the bitch at work wants her out. She is thinking about dropping Scrap booking and taking up pole dancing. Her best friend also found out she has Cancer and it is too close to home. Another daily dose of genuine interest and affection needed please for this gal.

But since no one really knows about the I'M INTEREST-AFFECTION DEFICIENT SYNDROME - or ever talks about this invisible neck sign - people do the same thing over and over. Sometimes they talk to the same sex but there is nothing like genuine interest and affection from someone you find attractive -- opposite sex interest. Like it feels so much better to have a guy tell you, you look great in the caboose department and gives you a playful little pat to prove it ended with a fun hug.

Anyway all kidding aside --daily interest and affection deficient people need it like our daily needed oxygen. Sometimes it pops up unexpectedly from the gal at work looking like Rosanne Barr nodding and hugging like Rachael Rae who is on the edge of her seat about the car, boss story -- what's next -- well he will eventually follow her anywhere because it feels good to be watered with love. This doesn't change as you age either. Bet you're shocked at his pick right???? Really thought he would replace you with Pamela Anderson huh?

And as for the she. Well the over the fence Kramer (can you believe it) has a vacation home in Florida and shares her interest to go there too because his wife isn't interested. He is so interested to hear all about the pole dancing and will gladly give her a ride down to Weight Watchers on Tuesday night because he has bowling that night. And what does the husband say , "yeah man, take her so she'll stop bugging me." She will follow her new Kramer anywhere because he fills the interest and affection deficit.

And of course you will blow a gasket when you see who is taking your spot -- Kramer the next door neighbour??? Thought it would be George Clooney?? Well it was inevitable. Just like you can't expect a plant to water itself nor can you expect a human to interestize and affectionize themselves.

Yep that's THE SECRET of HUMAN BEINGS. The secret of human beings at any age. Don't believe me. Make eye contact with a street person, smile at them, throw a compliment and although they looked like they were floating in a stupor, they will watch you go. If you do that every day and give them a pat on the shoulder, you might just find them on your doorstep. Pat a pet -- they will follow you for even a smidgen.

So I hope that life will treat you kindly and I won't find you crying on my doorstep -- I've warned you. Or that you live like it is your last day by filling up your spouse's interest and affection deficient cup each and every day. I hope they in turn daily will be topping yours. All it takes is the question "what's new with you" and an enthusiastic response, an "oh dear" when they tell you they've gained 10. A "fantastic" when they tell you they found a bright yellow blouse to go with their skirt at a ridiculously low price. A "don't worry -- you won't get cancer" followed by a big hug and kiss. You can show the interest and affection or some other Mr. or Mrs. will have to do it for you, but it has to be done, and I pray it is you. You're never too old for an affair or to be affaired on.

There is some other lonely person, emotionally deficient human being who is interested in your spouse's day. And if done often, they, yes even your spouse, will follow them anywhere, its the law of Attraction -- REPEATED GENUINE INTEREST AND AFFECTION Its only a hi, a smile and a cup of coffee away.