Women today have a hard life. Most are wandering around depressed, sad, anxious, and emotionally pained - overwhelmed emotionally with life. Well why is this happening -- for same reason Joan Rivers gets face lifts -- things change and fall apart. You know what I am talking about. Its a whole new ball game out there once the shame left. Marriages are crumbling - kids are divorcing their parents and others are heading for parts unknown and consider a once a week text message a relationship. Funny how the kids go snaky when their significant other just sends a text message to them.
Anyhow retirement is bullshit along with most of the things that people invented to make life better. Did you know that an air bag opens at 200 miles per hour -- now that will rearrange your nose and a crooked nose will give you some long term emotional pain.
School let us down. Women need a course in -- WORKING WITH OUR EMOTIONS. We need sure fire techniques to shift our emotional state to feeling better. Running to the doctor for the drugs, over indulging on carbs, wine or pot is going to bite you in the ass. Oh yes -- hello rehab here we come and most of us can't afford the high class Betty Ford. We will be sitting in the emergency ward of the local hospital, on fiber glass chairs with the charm of a funeral home that will further drive you to the local Tim Hortons for another round of Tim Bit emotional comfort.
Well here are some techniques to help the divorcees, unemployed, retired, empty nesters, etc. to feel somewhat better emotionally. As I said, this course should have replaced gym for women. What the hell normal woman, who wears makeup, would ever want to sweat like a sausage running around with a basketball or volleyball tucked under her arm once she left high school. Only lesbians got any mileage out of gym.
So here goes some tips to hopefully help you to change your emotional state.
1. Do something physical that requires concentration. I think they mean Yoga -- well good luck getting a size 20 frame on one leg, arms in lotus position and not shatter the other knee cap!!
2. Change environment. Inside -- go outside. Outside - go inside. Go to place rarely visited and notice details. I think they mean Home Sense or a Bar.
Especially helpful if where you are living is fueling your feel badly emotions. Solution -- this requires fleeing the house regularly and keeping the motor home warmed up in the lane way.
3. Close eyes, think of people who love you. Try to believe the kids who don't answer their mother's call thanks to caller ID really do love you. Oh yes you get the call when they are lagging or bragging. Otherwise, its get a life Mom I'm really busy. You would think they are all employed movie stars. Try to picture the dog's loving face.
4. Please your sense of smell. Quickest and Easiest Route into emotional change is to evoke memory. Put a drop of Xmas turkey smell behind your ears. Find the happy, joyful smell and coast. I'm going to get a bottle of Old Spice --the first romance smell. Supposedly citrus, vanilla are uplifting smells that will help you turn the car off. And just a little note -- some chick was trying to get a little emotional lift listening to sirius in her garage since it was only installed in the car and found the cops in her face wanting to take her to the local looney bin. A neighbour had reported her as suicidal.
5. Find a way to laugh. Books, movies, jokes but nothing is better than a silly friend. Now try and find one of those at age 50. Life sucked the silly right out of them. Its like the Banger Sisters. Somehow when they turned all Martha Stewart, probably from watching her, they turned all uptight. Where is Goldie Hawn when you need her? Probably getting a tattoo.
6. Reframe thoughts. Thoughts proceed emotions. How much is negative thinking. I can't, I won't, I will never meet another guy, its over, etc. Some use an elastic on the wrist to snap away the negatives thoughts and others just bang their head into a wall and right away you bypass the emotional down from " I won't ever loose this weight." Yep you will go right to the hospital for an MRI -- at least that will be exciting.
7. Change your emotions -- reshape your body posture. Slumping over adds to the depression, tired, feeling etc. Or when you are angry you clench your fists, grind your teeth, tighten your jaw, etc. Keep in mind what a happy and confident person looks like and mimic that dog and pony show. That's why the parents used to give you a slap on the back of the head or yell at you to "straighten up."
8. Music can reshape your mood big time. Listen to songs that empower you and words that speak to your heart.
9. Reach out and talk to a friend. Don't have to talk about the hell of life, just talking to another can reshape your emotional temperature.
10. My personal favorites to reshape your mood. Digs, Dress and Drive. Redecorate and declutter the house (with a professional please -- would you cut your own hair and then ask the hairdresser how it looks?) Just an inside tip -- the interior designer's first commandment is -- Thou shalt Lie to stay safe. Again, buy some new accessories -- aren't you tired of the Royal Doltons yet??
Go get a new outfit -- who cares if you are overweight. There's a great lime green jacket in a size 2 and 22. At least at 22 you won't look like a string bean -- you'll be a snow pea. Its all about colour.
And finally clean the hell out of your car. Get it waxed and detailed professionally and get that good smell back in. If you have had it with your clunker -- get a new one that every time you climb in it turns you on baby.
And don't expect miracles. If you can move despair to sadness, every little move matters.
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