WHERE'S THE BEEF?

Remember that old gal that did the Wendy's commerical yelling Where's The Beef? Wasn't she a riot? Isn't it too bad that when women's eyes spring open, they immediately think about their extra beef. I don't mean the beef in the freezer. And what makes it worse -- bad decorating move -- women plant the treadmill in the bedroom just to torture themselves further. It does make a good clothes rack but it still screams "failure." Yep, we feel like failures because we haven't mastered this weight thing once and for all.

Look at poor old Oprah if you want to feel better about yourself. Each season she has to parade herself on stage, with probably two pair of those Spanx under her slacks and publicly say "failed again-- starting over." Holy Cow, and I'm not talking about Oprah although she did get in a bit of a mess with her comments on not eating cows. With all her millions, she's losing the battle rapidly. Do you recall her saying how humiliated she felt when she had to stand between 67 year old Tina Turner and 63 year old Cher, on stage at a concert. If we superglued those two together, they would have made one Oprah. Doesn't it make it worse her hanging out with Rachael Rae -- the Queen of Carb Cooking.

Gals, wouldn't it be great to be a man? They don't care about weight ever unless the Dr. has really laid into them. Then they just fire the diet at the wife and basically say "the Dr. wants me to follow this diet" and your job is to not only bring in the diet food, but find out a way to force feed him to eat it. Watch King of Queens -- Carrie has her hands full with Dougie boy and his weight.

So for today, I'm going to change my wording. I don't have to lose weight -- I have to lose fat, you heard me F A A A A A T, because that is what we have to lose. At least then I might know what target I'm shooting for. I'm not sure all the Jenny Craigs, the Weight Watchers, etc. are really helping us girls to understand the carb addiction. Getting us to trade salad for a piece of chocolate cake is kind of crazy uh? I think it is like an alcoholic -- you either stop the drinking or you drink and blow up your life. We either stop the refined carbs or you eat the carbs and we blow up our bodies.

Anyhow Jack LaLanne came to my mind, why don't know -- God sent I think. I love that Jack LaLanne guy -- now 94 and the wife 85. That guy still does two hours exercise each morning and is planning to pull the wife in a bathtub across the Atlantic for his 95th. Don't mock this guy can do it -- he says Exercise is Queen and Nutrition is King. Notice he didn't say diet -- the man said NUTRITION!!!

So in honour of the Father of Fitness/Nutrition -- Jack LaLane -- I am going to fire up the juciers, of which I have two. I am not bragging. People buy them and then don't want to clean them -- so they give them to me. FYI they are made by Jack LaLanne. I plan to drink carrot juice until I turn orange. I should be able to see in the dark like a bat and be the colour of a pumpkin the next time you see me but hopefully not look like a pumpkin. So you will be impressed! You just won't recognize me and if you stand down by Grand Bend, you will see me in my Speedo pulling the Mrs. in a bathtub down to Sarnia, where I will stop at the Blue Water Casino and win us a fortune. The joy of good health -- its all in what's on the fork -- mine will be in a straw.