If you are near or over 50, you will recall the show THE LOVE BOAT. We all wanted a ticket on that cruise liner whether to tell our hurtin love tales over a drink at the bar with Isaac, hub nub with lovely folks at Captain Stubbing's table or hang out with our best bud Julie McCoy -- that show was created for all the love wrecked. When you hit that ship your love problems became solved problems because you met some other lonely, lovely person. And the Love Boat became a magic ship.
It is funny how we eagerly watched that floating Soap Opera and wished, just like in the Young and the Restless, we had unconditional loving folk in our life. It doesn't matter if you axe your Aunt, pimp out your mother, or shoot up your brother; you is loved and still in the family, sitting pretty, and carving the turkey at Xmas. All is forgiven and by reason of love and that stint in prison where you got your free Botox, BA and a Hugo Boss suit -- you came out a much better person than when you went in, and now you are loved oh so much more.
Truth. We are all born love junkies and so needing love from others. We pray Mr./Mrs. Wonderful will run out of gas in front of our place and once our eyes meet -- we will be able to climb mountains, cross seas and endure untold hardships together. Because we know when we are without love -- mountains become unbearable, seas uncrossable, etc. If LOVE was not important we would not have thousands of books, songs, magazines, movies all peppered with the L word. Even our good guy Jesus wanted love to be the distinguishing characteristic of his followers.
In the word group FAITH HOPE AND LOVE, the greatest of those is Love. The word permeates our human society -- we say "we love hot dogs, love our mothers, love our pets, love green grass, love chocolate, love sunsets, etc." We fall in love with love. But what happens to love when it comes to loving our long time spouses -- we fail?
We know love is essential to our emotional health. Marriage and counselling will always be in style -- AT THE HEART OF HUMAN KIND IS THE DESIRE TO BE INTIMATE AND TO BE LOVED BY ANOTHER. Marriage, or living together, is the vehicle that is designed to meet the needs for intimacy and love. And for those who think they have accomplished that feat, we will require that your partner to truthfully answer (in the witness protection program) -- do you feel loved? This isn't about you -- its your partner's answer. Its how much love do you put out and does your partner feel loved?? How is your partner's emotional health as a result of your love efforts? And how your partner feels is the marks you get on your report card -- if I go down under some specific headings, could your F be used as the right word in describing your "its all about me" behavior.
So lets dispense with keeping the in love flame alive for a long time. It is like trying to keep the b.b.q. starter afire in a wind storm. The inlove flame is fictional -- not fact. What do the in lovers do when the romantic obsession wears down and you now deal with the *hairs on the sink *white spots on the mirror *arguments over toilet paper direction * shoes that do not walk to the closet *drawers that don't close themselves *coats that do not like hangers and socks that go AWOL on laundry day -- you argue, you threaten, you nag? And by the way the answer is not -- my partner should be the servant and be dam glad to do it because she married wonderful, special me. Its true that one spouse's/mother's trash is another person's treasure -- FOR A WHILE.
And what do you do when a look can hurt, a word can crush, you criticize your partner's efforts -- intimate lovers become enemies and marriage is the battlefield?
Solution, I guess you again climb on the Love Boat -- get plowed at Isaac's bar, dine from 9 to 9 at the Captain's table, and talk your ( not to blame) tail off to Julie until you dock and then the orderlies come aboard to take over.
Regardless love is the name of the game, and the jerk that said "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" must have been an alien. Because real love found and then gone bad hurts and hurts for a whole long time. It is the unbearable hurt, the hurts so bad, like the near end of labour when you scream at the nurse "get this kid out of me, I think I am going to die." I know of a woman who lost love at 16 and never ever tried to find love again.
So what do you do with a drunkin sailor and what do you do with your unlovin spouse? Who knows -- throw the sailor overboard and the spouse too maybe or try and try again. Some folks can endure labour once and some fools can endure thirteen times like Celine Dion's mother.
I guess its all up to what unselfish you have in you and how much selfish will be taken from you. But, creating love daily is a two way street of unselfish labour from the moment you get up until you go back to bed. In the beginning it was an easy mission because somehow when we meet someone we have an outer body experience and behave in unselfish ways even our mother has never seen.
And how do you know if you really are a super selfish taker? Well in conversation is your conversation riddled with I(s) Me(s) and basically others are to be seen and not heard unless they are complimenting, praising, agreeing, listening or can provide info. you don't know? Are people just a mere moment of audience for your boasting, explaining or complaining? In fact in your world do two way conversations bother you? Do doing favors, buying gifts, and regularly just going out of your way for other's happiness make you irritable? All I can say is that takers are not liked in the boardroom or bedroom and maybe losing love doesn't bother you, but maybe losing loot does?
However, once down the living together road a daily task exists to intentionally build a wall of giving, one unselfish brick at a time. She's a tough ride of foregoing all the selfish things you really want to do and were trained to do. You will feel like a set of scales -- in one hand -- your selfish fun and the other hand --unselfish making of soup for your sick spouse. If you pick out with the boys or the girls, wrong you selfish jerk. And so is in one hand money for an Ipod and in the other, flowers for her and bye, bye flowers. No one owns anyone and a good person is hard to replace or so you will find. Only unselfish is the glue that binds us lovingly to one another.
And, should I forget, if you stay home with resentment, it will show and well should your plane crash, the spouse's tears will be of sheer delight and the new boyfriend will enjoy your side of the bed. But, unselfish love -- it is always your call and within your reach. Just need two on the same page just like you started out this crazy, love journey. You recall, you politely asked her what she would like to do, eat, see at the show? You didn't run a dictatorship.
And for those of you who read my Blog, you can guess I write about what I think is the most important thing in this world -- LOVE and learning how to be more loving. If accomplished, we shall tip toe through Heaven on earth. We shall sprout wings when we sleep and sparkle like candle light. We shall shine so bright, we shall blind one another. To be unselfish is the richest legacy we should leave this world far beyond our material riches.
And so for the ending of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 -- just how selfish are you? How unselfish in love will you be this Year? Only you know and only you can make a decision to change it. Like the addicts -- one day at a time and you can kick the selfish habit. Now that's a good New Years Resolution. It will get you farther than the quit smoking or diet thing. It might get you a loving, unselfish ride in the wheel chair to the cancer word because hell we know you aren't going to quit smoking. And let's not talk about the famous diet.
So HAPPY NEW YEAR readers! My wish is that in In 2010 -- we eagerly, lovingly put ourselves last again, and again, and again!!! It won't make sense, won't feel good but that's how the last shall become first -- and if you don't the selfish shall become last!!! I think that means detested, divorced, dismissed, demoted, done and last but not least, dead early from a shotgun blast.
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