For all those who may read my blog, I proclaim that Decorating is an ACT OF PASSION, primarily a female SPORT and can be added to list like HOCKEY. If you look at the pop up of accessory stores, the trail of people in them, not just the gay males, you can see the sport is rapidly growing. Many women are naturals, some take courses, some watch too much t.v. and some will just plain suck but trust me, it is a sport like hockey. Sadly, without their kids showing any aptitude for hockey, folks flip out the credit card to buy fancy skates, pay for expensive ice time, summer camps and even hire a private coach, but the kid still sucks. The kid lacks skill and ability. Still parents sit in ice cold arenas hollering at the coach until the coach wants to take a hockey stick to them -- but still you can't make a Wayne Gretzky. Natural born talent is a gift.
I believe it is the same with the world of Interior Decorating. While at Home Sense, I've watched some pretty disheveled looking people buying some pretty expensive stuff. Usually style shows in other areas, like dress, and I wonder, do they know really know where to put it and with what? Just like the Hockey equipment, snazzy outfit, stick and skates but couldn't score a goal if the goalie went for a pee.
And so like Wayne Gretzky and the Zamboni, if you put the decor gifted near a house their metabolism revs up like a race car. I don't know if its sadly or gladly, but I was born into this group, have apprenticed, but since every woman today considers she is good at the sport, there isn't much call for folks paying for my skill and ability . However, despite what women think there really is a big difference between your cooking and the skills and abilities of Rachael Rae, Martha Stewart or Julia Child's' -- the results.
In my time, I've seen many a decor job flop, just like a bad souffle, but in the world of cooking, a souffle you can easily redo. In the design world, a flop is serious. You can't inexpensively replace tile, return installed wall to wall carpet, or refit the kitchen because the walls are rapidly closing in. What many people don't understand is that decor creates mood and attitude, not to mention making a serious personal statement about you and the way you live. I worked with one woman, who hired her own designer, didn't like the results and literally staged a break in so the insurance would pay for a redo. A good decorator should be consulting with you along the way, so the end result should be personal yet professional.
Thousands and thousands of dollars of decor nightmares have occurred because of City Line and women who jumped to their feet and yelled "I can do that too." Beg to differ but there is a huge difference between watching a hockey movie than playing the sport. One looks oh, so easy. Actually some times when I start the process, and know what is at stake financially, it can be nerve wracking. I love it when the painter says, "you sure this is the right colour lady?" and you pray like hell the end result will be as great as you visualized. Normally is, but the back seat drivers love to get into the act.
Yesterday I made a pit stop to meet another member of the First Wives Club who recently moved into her mother's old house. She considers herself a Decor Diva. Actually women with really bad taste have called her accessories garbage. If you have any crap to give away, or leave at the end of your lane way, she will take it. She does the holdup approach -- make sure every wall space in the room is covered by some piece of furniture to hold up the walls. You actually feel claustrophobic. Her motto is more is more. Mine is Less is More and Impressive if the Less is Impressive. So we can't share design principals.
Viewing, as she asked me to of her house of design horrors, she was hyperventilating towards a full blown panic attack. This was one nightmare we could both agree on primarily because of excess over sized furniture and shortage of walls. Now the goal of home decor is to create an expression of yourself -- to inspire a feeling of joy and excitement -- impress others and most importantly, provide a haven from the crappy world beyond your door. Crappy had come in.
To create function, beauty and safety was the goal of cave men once they started living inside. In keeping with that idea, so many homes have now elevated the status of the bathroom from the starting outhouse -- to indoor plumbing -- to Spa. And think of it, how scared would you have been way back when -- someone was selling you the remarkable indoor plumbing concept. Like being able to poop inside a bowl in your house and then let it run through pipes throughout the walls of your house? Think of that! Anyway we have come a long way baby. Folks are now going to the bathroom inside using bidets with marble floors, art work, flat screens, pillars, fire places, chandeliers, Hers and Hers towels for the happily divorced woman -- well lets all hide out in the can --its nicer than the livingroom.
And as for divorce, many a divorce has occurred over the man's lack of understanding for this female passion. Oh yes he wants her to get the passion of his SPORT -- $1000 golf clubs, membership fees, green fees, fancy links wardrobe and bar bill, but when it comes to her bringing in a $14 goblet and putting it proudly on the table like she won a trophy from Dancing With the Stars, he is screaming "what the hell did you waste our money on that piece of crap for ?" I think if the man doesn't get this Sport of Passion for women, hell hath no fury like a woman unable to beautify her nest.
Lets now also look at the beginning of the rec room -- the 60s basement. It has come from musty cinder block cellar to paneled rec room, to the dry walled elegant VIP LOUNGE with the theater/entertainment center, sectionals equipped with drink holders, screens the size of garage doors, and projectors mounted on the ceiling, barely used pool tables and well equipped bars for the teens to use. No wonder the kids are becoming addicts of all kinds and social tards, but folks that is what is happening in below grade decor!!
As for kitchens, well we started with a hand pump beside the sink and a curtain hiding the catch bucket for the gray water. Then we jumped to taps and running water running through pipes as the poop does throughout the house -- now to Martha Stewart estate kitchens with state of the art cabinets, granite counters, flat screens, granite work islands with custom seating with movie start lighting that costs more than a new Mercedes.
So how did last night end? Well as I said, you can't put Wayne near a rink, nor me near a decorating disaster. I'm an aching unit today. I whacked up more pictures than you have in a Gallery. In the 12x14 living room was a full size piano, large coffee table and two end tables, a funeral parlor couch the size of a single bed and a full size fireplace with flip of the switch fire. Today, through the miracle of the gift remains a staged living room without my taking out any walls. In fact the piano bench, with a velvet cushion and tassels is now elegant optional seating. What is the hardest part of the design exercise -- well its getting individuals to think outside their little box of ideas. A couch can sit in front of a window and you will not be shot by a sniper.
So what can I say, Decorating is a passionate female Sport and not for the female weak. Today, I have the aches, just like Wayney but the goal of the SPORT OF DECOR is a classy sanctuary, a snazzy haven, an elegant retreat on a reasonable budget that when you turn the key in the door, it turns you on. You are glad to be home. Arlene shoots -- she scores. And do I love the female SPORT of DECOR - oh yes you bet I do because I was born to create beauty. And that's the joy of growing up -- knowing thyself!
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