Our times they're a changing. Xmas 2009 for some newly divorced folks involved living elsewhere and not as classy and comfy as last year. And although you may love your mother, sister, or brother, its sort of like what Dorothy said as she clicked those ruby slippers "There's no place like a classy home." So for some folks the new divorced shabby elsewhere is a whole lot harder to swallow than your old marital classy somewhere. You are now sitting on your divorced mother's red velvet tub chairs, smacking her old clunker of a t.v.set , and wondering if she is going out tonight so you can maybe entertain your gentleman caller her parlour.
In my opinion, there is way too much hoopla about finding solutions to the flu epidemic , drug epidemic when we have folks in love crisis, and keeping love alive in marriages is serious business.
And as I tell the starry eyed folks who think Divorce is the be all and end all to the petty fighting, the emptiness, the love gone bad b.s., its not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow ......DIVORCE is a just quick trip to poverty with an interior design job from hell. And the hell of all hells -- the spoiled kids who get their perks cut short, aren't happy kids and they don't really give a dam you would need a mattress when they need a new cell phone. Its a nightmare of epic proportion.
I went last night to see the new divorce movie "ITS COMPLICATED" and I went with three divorced women (including myself), left a newly divorced woman home living unhappily at her mother's modest digs, and met two divorced women coming out. How's that for divorce stats? And at the after party, there sat a group of divorced women with one widow. The widow was the lucky one.
I guess in summary Death trumps Divorce. On the plus side the widow gets to keep the house, the car and all the belongings. She also gets the life insurance, pension, bank account without any legal fighting and no b.s. about who will or will not show at Xmas, weddings and funerals. And bonus, not having to make sharp right turns at Home Depot to avoid the s.o.b. and his new concubine.
Nope the 81 yr. old widow was the lucky one in so many ways. However with her divorced kids she was not enjoying life as she planned either. She was a cash cow. As of last count she had not been paid for the no interest loan for the van to drive the divorced daughter and the grand kids to the new boyfriend's house. She also had housed and fed the newly divorced until they could get relocated and was shopping regularly trying to dress the grand kids. So divorce is like the flu -- it never stops spreading and weakening the whole family financial system.
Anyhow, this movie was hardly relatable. I don't know any divorced women who must get the needed $10,000/mo. in spousal support or from a booming french Bakery to support a snazzy house, a snazzy car, snazzy furniture, snazzy wardrobe and to host snazzy parties. She is planning to put a luxury addition on to the already snazzy house so she can see the morning sunrise of the beach. Also, the kids are all well educated, dressed well and drive snazzy vehicles. Probably Mama's french Bakery picked up that tab too. And when 20 yr. old son who doesn't work, but wants to hold a big party begs in his puppy dog way for Meryl to pick up the tab, the credit card is flipped out pronto. The divorced women I know are so not showing this kind of a picture.
The movie has some good wisdom though -- it brings to point that Meryl and what's his name both admitted to committing the number one marital sin leading to Divorce -- selfishness and neglect -- and brought to point, "it was just a matter of time before one of us cheated." She was glad he did it first -- guilt spousal support is much more lucrative. She also admitted not being such an attentive wife. What was interesting is that his now 10 yr relationship to wife number two -- well let's just say history repeats itself; he is not feeling special again and now wants to re water his old lawn and will have to split the nuts again. But as a big business man, there is plenty of nuts to go around which most women do not get with husbands. The UPS husband can't keep his Hyundai running and now he is going to keep two households going.
And so when they make these kind of movies, sadly it glamorizes divorce when in TRUTH -- once divorced you hit depressedville. You won't be shopping in those cute little food boutiques, but searching out your mother's fridge or the nearest food bank. What is written and promised on paper is the reason why his nose and his ears will grow so big. Without grandmothers and family, many divorced women would be bag ladies and their children, bag kids, I guess.
So with the 2010 coming in quickly -- please pass the word, Divorce is a fancy word for POVERTY. It financially sucks you dry with legal fees, real estate fees, fighting, etc. unless of course you have a thriving french Bakery, rich relatives or some other wing ding of a business that will allow you and the kids to again have everything they ever got. And are there rich men running around just wanting to remarry you and take you off the parent's payroll -- well I know a rich old guy, and his daughter is there every weekend since the mother died to make sure Daddy doesn't date and cut short her moola. Remember when it comes to the kids -- the one with the most money wins!!!
And what is the big goal of the Divorced single women I know --its to have a total set of furniture. A living room with all matching, expensive pieces. The whole set. Who knew the ex would be so stuck on getting the Queen Anne chairs, the matching coffee table and end tables unless he's gone gay. But she got the couch and lamps. And well what the hell can you do with a dresser, one night table and the box spring and mattress? And what is he doing with a highboy, one night table and a sleigh bed frame? Go figure. But that's what half gets you.
So we have what's called the interior design jobs from hell courtesy of divorce planning. Thanks to the generosity of neighbours and friends, there is some mix matched furniture in most divorced womens' homes and as they clutch their ticket for winning Cash for Life, they dream about getting a brand new car again, classy matching furniture, the house painted and new clothes for all? These are the dreams of the divorced women I know -- to live above the poverty level.
Maybe the solution for marital discord is -- just live on different floors -- cut the crap -- keep the classy lifestyle in tact. Or, first, do the life swapping. Swap lives with a divorced person -- live in crappy surroundings, fight with lawyers to get ex spouses to honour badly needed child support, pick up the kids and return the prized dog, cry in the lane way when you drop the kid off who now lives part time in the house you used to live in, do battle with the new girlfriend of the month who hates you because hubby dearest has now painted you psycho wife, stifle hate when the kids tell you Grandma thinks you were never good enough for their son, or try not to hang yourself in the closet when you find out you will be sitting alone for Xmas again because Dad has asked them to go to Disney World even though its your Xmas.
And that is the moccasins of a divorced woman that you really want to walk in before you get up on your hind legs and threaten "if you don't show me more attention, I'll divorce your sorry ass!" Its no party sister!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment