Merry Xmas !!!

When I was a kid the Queen had serious meaning. After all the wrapping paper had settled, we were forced and I say forced -- no toys, shortbreads, pets -- on Xmas morning to sit in front of the tele to hear the Queen deliver her yearly message to us the commoners. So here goes my Xmas message.

It seems like a week or two before Xmas people get out of their self centered jerky lives and act in a charming way. Whether I get a door being opened rather than some jerk racing through first; or a Merry Xmas said when I normally get a grunt; or better yet, my pressure pump wasn't working and I got a free service call -- the world seems so much more delightful by the changing of folks' normal jerky behavior. This is short lived type of heaven and used to be the 50/60s as I remember them.

Sometimes I want to believe in Santa Clause all over again, because Santa brings the Xmas kindness spirit. Or maybe there is a Xmas fairy that whacks jerks on the head into niceness with her wand and yells "poof -- begone Moron -- go forth and be nice." Is it the above two, or is that or people watch the Xmas Carol so many times they scare themselves s***less with the thought of ghosts circling their bed and the jerks get ringside seats to what people really wish as a Xmas gift for them -- a quick ride to the cemetery of their choice.

However, to my delight, miserable, miserly jerks seem changed at least for a short few weeks - praise God for small miracles. But I really do wonder what is this special magic of Xmas that creates out of body experiences for horrible people??

Along this thinking of this seasonal "nicety - nice" is my favorite Xmas movie of forced Xmas niceness -- Xmas Vacation. It shows how the host family can be forced to become so unbelievably cooperative. They invite the odd balls, jerks, the demented and even a dog named Snot home for Xmas. They nicely give the relatives the lazy boys, free king size bags of dog food or even their lane way to park the RV from hell and no doubt a robe to cover the jerk with a cigar who is releasing the waste from his motor home in their sewer system.

And how do they get their family to keep Xmas nice -- well you give the family the preXmas speech. And I quote Clark W. Griswold, who wasn't leaving it up to Santa Clause or the Xmas fairy to do the deal :

"Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation... it's a quest! Its a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much f****ing fun, we'll need plastic surgery to remove our G**dam smiles! You'll be whistling zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your a**holes."

And that's how the leader sets the pace for Xmas nicety-nice. It is so sad that it has to be ordered in agenda form -- this is our family goal and dammit, you had better meet that goal, because the game of Xmas and life in general, is to have fun. There is no other reason for life than Joy! That's at work, in the supermarket, home, or just stopping at Tim Hortons -- have fun all year long. Wouldn't you love to come to work at a place with Employee Gratitude Days -- poker games at lunch, paid gourmet lunches for employee bonding; paid for employee hiking, canoeing, sailing, skiing? Weekend Rock Concerts? How about Summer Flings, Welcome to Spring, and Winter Wonderland events???? You want to come skidding into Heaven with a smile on your face that where you worked and lived was a blast, and I wanna Go Back!!

To quote the guide Abraham: "Everything exists for joy. There is not one other reason for life than joy. We've got nothing to prove to anyone, because nobody other than All-That-Is is watching. We're not trying to get someplace else. We're not trying to get it done; because there is NO ENDING. We cannot get it done. Everything exists for the purpose of the JOY IN THE MOMENT."

Well wasn't that deep, but in reality having fun at Xmas seems to be doable, why not all year long? Why sweat about the house being cleaned to perfection ladies? Will the house not be dusty next week, the week after and the week after your heart attack because you got yourself into such a state over the never ending dust that just comes from furnace movement? Solution -- no furnace -- or just mop up the dust and have fun while you do it. If fun for you is music and a mop acting as your dancing partner, well let it be and hope the neighbours don't report you.

And what are the benefits of fun and play even as an adult ?? Well -- it feels sooooooooooooooogood! Having fun and play creates feelings of happiness which is heavenly.

Also, fun and play brings our focus into the present moment. How the hell can you be in the past and future at the same time. You can't. At fun present you can't recall the ex who didn't send the support check, the relatives who threw you out of the will, the sister that slept with your husband (the Jerry Springer relatives of relatives ) or your size 16 pants exploding to 18, or you only have $5.00 until payday when you are in the moment laughing and playing???????

And what are the benefits of laughter you ask??
1. Eliminate stress and tension.
2. Eliminate anxiety.
3. Eliminate anger.
4. Eliminate depression.
5. Enhance immune system
6. Promote healing
7. Eliminate pain (chronic pain)
8. Massages all internal organs of body
9. Enhances overall sense of well being

Basically, he who laughs often, lives longest and now that's a Xmas gift to be or receive -- A fun and playful friend.

And so that is my Xmas message -- give yourself the gift of play and have fun often. Maybe not delivered as ever eloquently as the Queen nor with my $1,000,000 tiara, but it is what I believe. You can't order yourself to have fun like Clark W. Griswald does himself or the fam, but you can think about how serious you get over nothing -- hello dust, snow to be shovelled, cold weather. What's with all the moaning over nothing. Even a kid with his tongue stuck to a frozen steel pole doesn't whine as much as people do picking up the dog poop. You wanted a dog - so scoop.

Remember the trip is so much shorter than you think and I would only hope if anyone stands up at my Goodbye Party, they say Arlene should have been hired as Federal Government's Minister of Laughter to provide relief to the people because.....

Laughter is like a Holy thing. It is as sacred as music and silence and solemnity,maybe more sacred. Laughter is like a prayer. Like a bridge on which creatures tip toe to meet each other. Laughter is like Mercy; it heals. When you can LAUGH AT YOURSELF, you are free.

And so my wish for your coming year is ..... let your play and fun be natural, unforced, inspired. It is not an obligatory task or activity to be done with a fake smile, and an empty, hallow "I'm having fun." No rather it should be genuine, just like when we were children.

And you remember that, right?? And so to all who read my blog, a Good Night!!!


P.S. you can tick the boxes at the end of my Blog i.e. interesting, cool etc. For your undying devotion, I could pluck you from your mundane life and appoint you my Manager when I am the Anthony Robbins of "THE POWER OF FUN'' seminars. You will be Arlene's Gail and that ain't a bad spot to be sitting in -- RIGHT ALONG SIDE ME in FIRST CLASS hearing Yes ma'am, getting a reclining chair, memory foam pillow, silk sleep mask, champagne and looking back at the folks in cattle car seating cheek to cheek, eating micro meals on wheels, dealing with cheeky flight attendants and getting drooled on by some guy sleeping on your shoulder!!!