People have suggested to me I need to have an Ask Arlene Anything show. After all the folks I've met in and out of counselling, I've seen it all and there is advise to give. For instance, I'm asked anything from how to buy a great house to how to pick a great spouse?
The house thing is easy because if you make a wrong decision, you make the wrong decision right. Sell it - redo it- rent it!! Ah hell, burn it and rebuild. The list is endless, but make it right.
Now the the wrong spouse, you pay. You can't regene or reraise a controlling brat who has to have everything their way. They get the Oscar in blame. if you didn't say what you did, you wouldn't have got your car keyed or they wouldn't have gotten drunk and slept with 5 girls. If the wife left them - she was lured away. If you are upset, you didn't ask them 20-30 times to help out. The two year olds of two year olds. Baloney -- selfish people in their heart of hearts, don't like doing anything for anyone else, anytime, anyhow unless "there is something in it for them." Case closed.
I tell parents if you don't want hell back on your steps, better start raising that selfish kid like you want them to be your son-in-law, etc. You should see how many faces drop when i say that one. There is no way they want their angry, rude daughter or son as an in law -- well I don't either nor married to mine!!
Big problem for us non relatives -- Looking mature doesn't guarantee maturity!! (I've sadly seen some Mamas, NaNas, DaDas, and Papas that never matured. I once took a 4 hour bus ride with a guy that his wife spent the whole time telling 70 yr. old George to quiet down. He loved to control, to be defiant and complained, insulted and antagonized. He started verbal combat with a 60 year old woman over getting off the bus first. I finally asked Joyce, "when you brought this guy home, what did your parents say?" Well in short, they begged her not to marry George and George, well he roared with her answer. And despite what you think, he didn't amount to much, this arrogant, controlling jerk was some big wig in Hydro and made life hell there too.
It amazes me when surveying the flock or just looking in the mirror, God isn't more blatant and helpful. We see big bodies, wearing size 8 barbie shoes or brogues. They even wear undies that spell "big girl" "big boy" and buy adult fare at the show. Well I beg to differ. The undies lie.
Joy for me is to interact with the MATURE EGO!! MATURE people who respect others feelings who don't make life a combat zone with their controlling stupid. I like people who when something is unsafe, illegal, stupid or unhealthy -they don't participate. They know what is appropriate to say or do? They know the difference between right and wrong, without being told. I like mature people who are interested in treating others well anytime and don't behave like a teenager. They do right without attitude even when they don't feel like it.
Here's the million dollar question -- how to detect the spoiled brats so I can avoid and maintain joy? The angry brat flosses their teeth, pay bills, cleans, gets As, and goes off to work -- in fact often overdoes the above. They are often the big achievers like George. Is it that I feel the constant frustration of doing business with a defiant terrible two or a snarly teen. How do I get past the unshaven face in the I Need Weight Watchers now body -- the size 14 dress. Is it the continual trantrums that tip me off. If they don't get their way or are confronted on their stupid, they are out of the room faster than a Mexican traveller with the trots looking for the can.
I once had a defiant teen in a woman's size 16 body tell me, with a straight face, that she was a swinger. Yep I met a real live one -- might have been fishing or giving me free shock treatment. When I asked "does your partner swing with you? " Her answer "no way -- if she did that, I would freak." And as I said this is a 40 year old, driving an old lady Hyundai SUV, had a house with a pool, and had the "big girl" undies - she was possesed with the attitude of a controlling, spoiled brat. You know, do what I say, not what I do or I'll kill you. Oh where can you get a quick drink of bleach when you need one fast ?
In answer -- I have a wake up call for all you arrogant, controlling, rage-a-holic Divas and Bad Ass Georges. Firstly, the cab driver doesn't turn down the covers or bring the bed pan after they drop you off from the Chemo Clinic. No man or woman is an island -- you will need people for so many tragic reasons than you want to know, so get nice and get nice right now or you will be sitting alone in an empty house -- wife dead or left -- waiting for a letter from Ungoowoo like Jack Nicholson in All About Schmidt.
So on your mirror -- get etched and read over and over and over this equality statement -- what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Or do only what I want done unto me -- 3 million times until your immature self gets it.
What's in it for my anyone to stick with crazy, childish you? In a room full of lovely, mature great people to choose from, do I want my spouse to go off with someone grownup? |f you don't see the benefits of growing up, better get the Lord on Board --you will so need it.
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